apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
