Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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