summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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