So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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