you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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