Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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