Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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