I need help removing her.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
