matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
