Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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