I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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