For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
