i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
