I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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