ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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