If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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