dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
