Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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