I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
