My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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