I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
