Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
