3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
