my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
