i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
