I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
