Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
