my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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