Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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