textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
