I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
