I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
