My room smells like vodka and shame
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
