I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
