What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
