i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
