I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
