everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
