I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
