So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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