Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
