If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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