I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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