omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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