Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
