if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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