Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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