Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
