I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
