the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
