Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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