My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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