If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bring me that man meat
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
