Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
