just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
