Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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