i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You ate ashes out of my bong
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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